She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
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Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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