i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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