i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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