they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
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You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
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at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
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