someone threw a dead crab at me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize