my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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