We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
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just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
True strength comes from lack of pants
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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