if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize