I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
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Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
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No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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