i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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