flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize