Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize