Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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