Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
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I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
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Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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