Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
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Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
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how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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