Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
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And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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