i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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