I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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