So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
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Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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