Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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