Jerry, you need to find god
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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