you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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