I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
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i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
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I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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