I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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