she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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