i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
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She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
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That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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