And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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