i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
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I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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