You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize