Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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