mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize