girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
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