I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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