Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize