how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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