She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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