dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
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I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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