i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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