just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
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Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
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I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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