just tell him i said nine months
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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