a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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