if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
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How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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