If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize