pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize