If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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