I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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