when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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