Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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