how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
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High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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