Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
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im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
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I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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